drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
