Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
