i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
