would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
