I got chris browned last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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