I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
