So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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