dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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