he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
