I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
