i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
