I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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