you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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