We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
