the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
