btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
