alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
