I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
