Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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