Can i not drive my cunt home
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
