I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
