I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
