Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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