I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
