Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
