if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
