the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we're so committed to being not committed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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