i think my tv is drunk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
