I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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