I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
