Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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