You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
