He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
