When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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