I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
