So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
