Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
