his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
