the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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