he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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