i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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