you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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