apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
