Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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