Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
