next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
