Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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