I love black thongs
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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