You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was like eating out sand paper
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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