Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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