I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
