Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
