I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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