Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
