**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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