That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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