all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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