the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
