I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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