we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
