well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
